And she will bring forth a
Son, and you shall call His name JESUS, for He will save His people from
their sins.” – Mathew 1:21
I have read a lot of stories and watched a lot of videos where people
have talked about their struggles with porn and how they got delivered and what
I have seen (and loved) is how different all of their stories have been, and in
spite of how different their stories have been one thing has rung true – God is
able to save and deliver and redeem.
My story isn’t long or dramatic or drawn out, one late morning/early afternoon,
a couple of weeks after I had received the baptism of the Holy Spirit, I was
laying on my bed when I felt/heard the Holy Spirit ask me to give up Pornography/Masturbation.
I wish I could tell you that I immediately said yes Lord, I hand it over to You
but sadly I did not.
Instead, I began to do what I did best, I started negotiating – is it
really that bad? What if I give up one type but not the other? What if I gave
up Porn but held on to masturbation? I began to research and present articles
that argued that masturbation wasn’t really a sin. In all of this I felt like
God was standing there watching me and saying nothing as I essentially went
through the five stages of grief.
Now, my actions surprised even me because I had tried in the past to
give it up, but the struggle was intense, and I always failed – the longest I
had lasted was a month, I think. So, I was quite surprised to see how much I was
fighting to hold on to something I had believed that I truly wanted to give up.
The Word/presence of God serves as a mirror, exposing us to ourselves, showing
us who we truly are, and that day I learned that even though I had always
thought that I wanted to give up porn, I didn’t really. I only wanted to give
up parts of it, and I wanted to stop it in its tracks cos I didn’t want it to
take me down certain lanes that I could already see in my future.
“Sin will take you farther than you want to go, keep you longer
than you want to stay, and cost you more than you want to pay.” ― R Zaccharias
We were there for a couple of hours and after all my back and forth I finally
broke down and told God yes. I agreed with Him. Immediately after I agreed
with Him, I heard God tell me that I had been delivered and I knew deep down in
my heart that I was delivered. It was so simple, it’s actually hard to believe.
A struggle of over 7 years delivered in an instant. It felt unreal.
Over the next 2 weeks, every time I felt an urge I somehow found the strength
to say no – not later, but No – and it was difficult but I did it. One day I woke
up, about one month after that encounter and I realized that I was free. I hadn’t
felt any real urge I about 2 weeks and the thought of it left a weird taste in
my mouth. I was free indeed.
Therefore, if the Son
makes you free, you shall be free indeed. – John 8:36
I do remember what started me along the journey though. I’m an avid reader,
and I got into romance novels, I loved the smut, so I started looking for more
novels with more smut. And so it grew. It took about 10 years to move from
romance novels to porn and this fact always throws me because it shows me how
dedicated Satan is to destruction.
But God is good, and He is the Almighty. He has shown Himself to be the
almighty in my life. And if you let Him, He will show Himself to be the almighty
in your life too.
